girl and the star

Once there was a girl. Just an ordinary girl. This girl was never happy. But this unhappy girl was given a star, albeit a star with free will.

When this girl got the star, both were reluctant. The girl was afraid to believe he was really hers. The star was tired of everyone wanting him. But they warmed up to each other. The girl never truly expected the star to ever call him her’s, but she was okay with that. The star however really loved the girl. After so much time, both accepted that the other was different and that they were perfect together.

The star was a true star. He had to shine in the sky for all to see. The girl knew this, and she didn’t mind. Sure, it meant not being with the star as much as she wanted, but who else had a star? No one. She was lucky just to know him.

The girl told the star everything. She, again, was reluctant. She didn’t want to bore the amazing star. But he loved hearing of her, and he always wanted to help, so she told him everything. She didn’t expect the star to do the same, and he never really did pour himself out for her as she did for him, but he did tell her more than he had told any other.

What felt like eternities and what was really only a short while later, when the star identified himself as the girl’s, the girl finally felt as if he really was her star.

But no good things last forever.

The star was very busy sometimes, and he never had as much time for the girl as he had before. This upset the girl sometimes, but she forgot about it as soon as she was with the star again.

But then the star didn’t return to the girl for a while. And then a while turned into a long time. This left the girl to realize that she had no other than the star. She had never felt that she needed more. But now she had no one to confide in, to laugh with. She felt horrible for wishing so badly that the star would come, that he would return to her and never leave again, that he would no longer be a star and just be her’s.

The star missed the girl, but the star of course was always around other stars, and loved by everyone.

Then the few, short times the star did return, things weren’t the same. The girl couldn’t pour out her heart, and the star no longer told the girl how he loved her.

Then late one night, the star showed up by the girl. He asked her what her wish was. She said she wished not to love. The girl asked the star what he wished for. The star wished to love.

After that, the star never returned.

Years later it is now, and both the star and the girl never got their wishes. The girl never dared to ask the star for her wish. The star never dared ask the girl for his.

The star, however, has other stars, and everyone loves him.

But he still wishes for love.

And he still watches the girl from the sky every night.

The girl has tried to move on. She is doing better. She never confides herself, and she never loves anyone she meets.

She cannot control her love for the star though.

And she still wishes she could.

Tonight, look at the sky. Look at the brightest star. Know that it is the very star who wishes for love. And know that right below this star is the girl. The girl who was given the star, the girl who never thought she deserved the star. The girl who loves the star.

The End.

Rain

I could go back to every laugh,
But I don't wanna' go there anymore,
And I know all the steps up to your door,
But I don't wanna' go there anymore.

Talk to the wind, talk to the sky,
Talk to the man with the reasons why,
And let me know what you find.

I’ll leave my window open,
‘Cause I’m too tired at night to call your name.
Just know I’m right here hopin’,
That you’ll come in with the rain.

I could stand up and sing you a song,
But I don’t wanna’ have to go that far.
And I, I’ve got you down,
I know you by heart,
And you don’t even know where I start.

Talk to yourself, talk to the tears,
Talk to the man who put you here,
And don’t wait for the sky to clear.

I’ll leave my window open,
‘Cus I’m too tired at night to call your name.
Oh, just know I’m right here hopin’,
That you’ll come in with the rain.

I’ve watched you so long,
Screamed your name,
I don’t know what else I can say.

But I’ll leave my window open,
‘Cus I’m too tired at night for all these games.
Just know I’m right here hopin’,
That you’ll come in with the rain.

I could go back to every laugh,
But I don’t wanna’ go there anymore…

Wonder

There are many things I wish I knew. What do I look like from a different perspective? Can someone really fall in love, or is it just a feeling?

There’s really no answers for the questions I ask... people swear I'm adopted sometimes...

But who am I really? What kind of person am I? Why do I even exist in this world if I'm not going to do anything huge or special to some person in Haiti or Uganda?

Is there really a purpose for EVERY human, animal, bug, virus, etc in this lifetime? Where do we really go after death?

I guess there are things in this life that can't or shouldn't be answered...

But why, why is it we can't know these things?

There’s that same old beginning of the sentence word.... WHY

Why do we all need to be different? why is it that we take notice of the smallest details, yet forget to take a look at the big picture in front of us practically yelling at us to see it, embrace it, love it?!

Something has to be answered eventually...

Too bad eventually isn't now.

They say the wait is worth the while or the answer...


But... sometimes I feel they come too late.

That they didn't catch on to the train that brings them to us.

With answers, comes the responsibility to use that knowledge, to embrace it, discover some need for someone else to use it.

But the answers to what we want to know aren't always what we want to hear, but life can't always go our way it has to follow the path that's been paved and mapped out, even before it knew where it was going...


Sounds familiar huh?

The Serpent

Serpents slip into the night hoping you won't put up a fight.
Tempted to do the unthinkable crime
wanting to fill their lonely mind.In the darkness they invade your space
unable to notice your tear streaked face.Nights are filled with silence and pain
wanting to hurt them just the same.A frightened child you've come to hold
a secret that's afraid to be told.

What's your thoughts that make this sane?
I wish you could feel all my pain.Pay attention you might not see
the hurt you've caused inside of me.Trembling in fear don't make a sound
go to your place alone you have found.Stand up and fight don't be afraid
your silence inside will only turn to shame.Lies that were told to hide the truth
only to destroy your innocence of youth.Do you pretend to live the lie
or shut the door to the pain inside.Bound by chains from the past
the key there for you to grasp.

doors

When you close your eyes, tell me what do you see?
Come hold my hand and take a walk with me
Down a long dark corridor, with doors shut tight
I will open them up, just for you tonight

Let’s open up the door marked number one
Take a peek inside, please try not to run
The demons screech out, yelling one by one
Come in here, come join in the fun

Sex and porn, a room full of abuse
But don’t shout out, because it’s no use
No-one will come when you scream
Just lie there quietly; it’s all a bad dream

Door number two is full of jokes
Aimed at a girl, whose tears do choke
She tries so hard to please and be accepted
Yet is made to feel worthless and feels rejected

Now is this safe? Door number three
There’s another young girl, who looks just like me
She has her own demons and pain to bear
Yet deep down inside, I know she does care

Door number four, how bad can this be?
Should have been a life that was so free
And yet more demons they do appear
Go away little girl, you are not welcome here

Door number five is the drunk she has faced
Door number six is still firmly shut and braced
Number seven is dark and I can’t see
No tale to tell, not yet for me

Let’s close all the doors now and turn and leave
I’ve seen the demons and felt them breathe
But here they all are now, alive and real
Maybe its time to tell them exactly how I feel

Deep down I am hurting and I am not strong
What you all did to me was totally wrong
I put on a front to hide my pain
But now I am tired of playing this game


There are so many things I do want to say
And this says a lot, in my own little way
But what’s the point, for it won’t change the past
Only for this little girl, it is the last

So I take her hand and lead her away
To a better future, out of harms way
She is an adult now, with a future ahead
and....

gone

There is a reflection of pain in her eyes, as she fights back tears.
Trying to figure out why she has put up with it all of these years.
Innocence gone.
Just taken away.
Struggling to deal with it & be free someday.
Tries to tell someone but no one believes her cries.
Just another young girl getting some attention through lies.
Suicide has crossed her mind but she will not go out that way.
Thinking well maybe if he cant find me, he just won't rape me today
Perfect smile.
Broken soul.
Living in this situation that she just can't control.
Things get worse & he beats her more.
Loses all self respect for herself when he comes through that door.
Fed up & full of hope she tried to fight back.
He pulled out a knife, all she saw was black.
Out of her misery & out of her pain.
Put her in such a place that she cant even explain.
The emotions it brought me, I cant deny,
that it left me a horrible feeling inside.The pain it brought her , she felt alone,
and soon she started getting out of control.This feeling it was killing her inside,
That she could not tell her secret that was forever haunting my mind.
she lay by her bed, sits on the floor, cross her hands and begins to pray because she's finally happy now that the doors shut and he has gone away.

Good Friday

Woken up furiously by my younger brother who kindly yells ," Its 9 am! you have an exam,you missed it!!". I freak out and panic as I run downstairs to grab the newspaper which will tell me the date! I realise my exam is on monday and today is just friday!
Standing in the middle of my living room-lost,watching people hustle and bustle around me,a mental image of a fish market flashes in my mind.
why do I live here , I ask myself and continue to gape at people around me. Suddenly I see a familiar face! Yes! My mother..!! Relieved I walk up to her and ask " W,hats up? whats to eat?", "My head" , my mom retorts. okay that was something i mutter and walk away.
After investigating I'm told today is Good Friday and my aunt demands if I remember or I'd forgotten it. "I remember!" I convince her. ( actually I dont). So everyone's getting dressed to go to church( with a lot of enthusiams). why?! its church,not the  grand prix.
finally at last the house it empty and rid of over enthuisastic religious people. i settle in my abode  and laze there texting some freaks of nature,apparently.

 I sit around and the rest of the  day is uneventfully except for one incident. My older brother called to lecture me because he " accidentially" (but i know I was framed) found out that ONCE UPON A TIME,LONG LONG AGO  I'd gone to Pecos, a place after my own heart, "during my exams ,in my school uniform"; so yeah I got screwed but its cool as long as he didnt tell dad. phew!
      Munching on a parle-g biscuit I get the feeling I'm forgetting something. I wonder and ponder and suddenly realise that I have a psychology exam tomorrow! My psychology end of semester final exam!! I snap outta my lazy trance,bid goodbye to my freaks of nature to stare at my obese psycho text book.
I finish everything  really quickly  and i get a feeling thats not right,because I dont get how I fnished a truck load of nonsense in a few hours when they gave me 3 days for it.

But whatever I skip with joy and log on to gmail and facebook. the very next minute i'm confronted by my brother who wants to know why I'm online.I get another lecture and he tells me to " get off facebook and put my face in a book". gah!  I sigh and trudge towards my room,climbing the stairs as if it were mount everest. reaching my destination I plonk myself on the bed and check my phone for messages.argh no messages! why isnt anyone texting me?! I fume and dig into "understanding psychology".