Indifferent

Answers. I wanted answers.The question "why..?" echoed in my head.Searching and looking for an answer;I derived only more questions with the answers I got.Then I stopped asking questions but I wandered in search of an answer.
In my quest I grew restless..and impatient and then I gave up..
I stopped looking for an answer I so desperately wanted.

I became  indifferent and numb to everything around me.I didn't argue for a reason.I'd just accepted it.

Someday

Someday i'll sleep again..
Someday i'll dream ..
Someday i'll wake up..
Someday i'll smile again..
Someday i'll laugh again
Someday i'll play in the rain ..
Someday i'll love myself again..
Someday i'll....live all over again .

Someday..

"why why why why why" a voice screamed in my head.i wanted to scream out loud and cry in anguish. i wanted to just scream, scream,scream...SCREAM!
instead i turned and buried my face in my pillow and wept hot furious  stupid tears,
i'd been crying for a long time,god knows how long and i really didnt care. i closed my eyes despite the tears which flowed like the ganges.
tired and weary i asked myself "why" again and wished death would claim me.

Faith

"Sometimes you just have to go on with faith.."

      I walked steadily through the pouring rain,like I did everyday. I wore black,the colour of mourning.
It was a soft drizzle by the time I reached,I walked more slowly now towards the church.
As I entered I stopped for a minute to gaze at the cross hanging above the alter..I took my place and knelt to pray..
"Lord,I don't ask you to take away the thorns that grow along the path I walk alone,but to be there for me at the end of it. I don't ask you to lighten up the load I bear; Nor make the weary road I daily tread one bit fair. I don't ask you to comprehend the present cross,but give me strength to bear it patiently.One thing I ask lord,one thing alone : give me your hand! and when the darkness overshadows all,with you I'll stand again"

I stood up and walked out into the pouring rain once again..

Walk

She walked...

      The leaves rustled under her feet,the wind softly sailed and danced through her hair as the trees swayed gently... she only walked away from life.
She heard the trees whisper to each other but took no notice.

      She was exhausted and her feet throbbed; She stopped under a huge old tree and looked up at heavens above and cursed it. "What happened child ?" asked the tree as it swayed in the wind. She didn't answer but still glared at the heavens.

     "Where are you going ? " the tree asked again but did not get an answer because the girl had closed her eyes and she stood still .

     "What happened child..?" the tree asked once again. "He's gone..he's gone.." she replied in a voice void of life. "He'll come back.." the tree comforted her.
"no..! h-he-h--he's g-g-gone.forever..he left me". The tree looked puzzled and said "He will come back". She lifted her gaze to the tree and said " He's dead". The tree didn't know what to say,it had never seen anyone in so much pain..

        It pierced her heart,the sudden pain was unbearable,it shook her. Those two words hit her so hard,knocking the breathe out of her as she feel to her knees. She couldn't take it any more. She couldn't stand it any more..

       While she wept silently, she thanked the heavens for the rain which drenched her; Little did she know that it wasn't the comforting rain by the heavens but the tears of the tree which bent down to protect her as her heart beat for the last time..

blog by valley of silence is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-No Derivative Works 2.5 India License.

Forget

Later that night she sat in a corner of her room, huddled, her room was cold but she was colder inside. A tear rolled down her soft pale cheek; another followed. And another. She sat there for a long time, until she was sure time has stopped for her.
Staring at her reflection in the mirror – she wondered how long this would go on. How long she would let this happen to her…
She hated feeling like this – helpless. All she wanted was to get away. Forget. If that was possible she was willing to trade her soul for it. But that wasn’t going to happen, she might as well face it. Walking slowly she splashed water on her face and it felt better, much better.

Sleep

"Don't cry,please don't" he said softly while she cried in his arms.He helplessly looked down at her and brushed a few strands,tucking them behind her ear.Every tear she shed stung him,it burned his soul;He wished he could make them stop..
He pulled her closer and rested his chin on her head while she sobbed silently and gripped a fistful of this shirt.She was afraid to let go,even for a minute.
"Don't be afraid" he murmured reading her thoughts but she just shook her head in response.They sat in silence for a long time.

Breaking the silence,she looked up at him and into his warm brown eyes,and asked "why..?why me?why you?why us..?",waiting intently for his answer.Looking into her eyes he saw an eternity of pain she hid so well;He pressed a kiss to her forehead and said "What's meant to happen,will happen". "But why?" she persisted,
" Because there is something better waiting for you" he replied. "I don't want something better,I want what I was given" she said stubbornly. " Change is constant and you don't always get what you want,you cant live in the past..." he whispered..she drew back and looked away,still clutching his shirt tightly...

Pulling her closer once again he wiped the sparkling tear which rolled down her cheek and wrapped his arms around her. Resting her head at the base of this throat,she finally closed her eyes while he sung her to sleep..